24 Seven Ministry Center refuses to host Snore Fest 2005
Some people say, "Why bother with church? It's boring!" Alas, I too have been to boring church services that go on and on and on . . . .
That's where Snore Fest comes in. This conference is for any church, regardless of denominational affiliation, with dead worship services. Participants are invited to expire together during the various sessions planned.
- Preachers compete for the coveted "Sermonator" trophy, by preaching their longest, driest sermons. Area churches send their most qualified & liveliest contestants (teenagers, wiggly toddlers) to be in the pews (scientifically engineered from research of Death Row executions as to the most excruciating designs for the listeners to be strapped in). Judges give out points based on the number of DDS (deaths during sermon). The grand prize award is a one-way, all expenses trip to Death Valley National Park, in July.
- Musicians have a variety of workshops, and master classes to chose from. New seminars include "How to Practice in Public During Worship and Look Good Doing It" and "The Top Ten Ways to Annoy Your Pastor & Local Church Leaders and How to Get Away with It". The annual favorite is the Musicians Marathon, where contestants are paired together for a series of musical challenges. One musical challenge is the 3 Minute Medley where contestants are divided into two groups (those who can read music, and those who can feel the beat). Each pair then has 3 minutes to make a meaningful worship melody, which will be shared at the main evening meeting at Snore Fest. Last year's winning team was a classical pianist (her qualifications: 12 years of lessons, a Master's Degree in Fine Arts, and can play Sergei Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No. 3 in D minor backwards by memory) and a teenage grunge guitarist (his qualifications: 3 noise ordinance violations, and is tone deaf).
- Greeters receive training on how to be more effective with their "Glare of Death", and how to tranform their hands into limp dead fish.
24 Seven Ministry Center in Seattle, WA
For other seminar suggestions, please e-mail me
, so we can include it at next year's Snore Fest 2006
. Or if you know of a local church that is willing to host this conference, please contact me ASAP. I know that this will be a sell out conference!
For those who want something more . . . try out these at your local church!
An interesting & well planned service
- "Our meetings should be made intensely interesting. They should be pervaded with the very atmosphere of heaven. Let there be no long, dry speeches and formal prayers merely for the sake of occupying the time. All should be ready to act their part with promptness, and when their duty is done, the meeting should be closed. Thus the interest will be kept up to the last. This is offering to God acceptable worship. His service should be made interesting and attractive and not be allowed to degenerate into a dry form. We must live for Christ minute by minute, hour by hour, and day by day; then Christ will dwell in us, and when we meet together, His love will be in our hearts, welling up like a spring in the desert, refreshing all, and making those who are ready to perish, eager to drink of the waters of life." Quoted from Testimonies to the Church, volume 5, page 609, written by Ellen G. White.
Foster local creativity & talent that arrests attention
- "Devise methods to reach the people where they are.--Let every worker in the Master's vineyard, study, plan, devise methods, to reach the people where they are. We must do something out of the common course of things. We must arrest the attention. We must be deadly in earnest." Quoted from Evangelism, pages 122, 123, written by Ellen G. White.
I'd Like to Join a Church Like That . . .
A fellow church planter sent me a link to an online video about what church could be.
Here's what Allan Martin, PhD, the pastor Celebration Seventh-day Adventist Church
, located in Celebration, Florida has to say about "The Least of These" film.
- I just found out that "The Least of These" has been chosen for in-flight screening and has been nominated by Frontier Airlines as part of their Cloud Nine Film Festival. The competition is accepting votes through until the end of July 2005. I highly recommend this award-winning short film and encourage you to cast your vote for "The Least of These." Click here to see the film and vote.
Rik Swartzwelder, a graduate of Columbia Union College, has done a masterful job with this and I believe it is making an impact for the Kingdom. Thanks for your consideration! And please cast your vote!
Here's a description of this short film from Rik's website, Old Fashioned Pictures
- "Jim is the fading, emotionally isolated owner of an all-night diner. In his mid 50s, he moves more like he's 112. He spends most of his time hiding in the kitchen trying to avoid his wife and the routine banter of his regular patrons – a ragtag bunch of bums, college students, club hoppers, runaways, lonely hearts, geezers, and even a few local working girls. It’s the same old, same old.
But this night, about two in the morning, some guy from out of town walks in and innocently orders a cup of coffee and a cherry danish. The regulars have a good time harassing the rookie, but he’s too lost in his own thoughts to notice. All this changes when Shannon – a weathered, low-rent hooker well into her 30s – shuffles in with two of her friends and takes a seat at the counter, right next to the first-timer. Soon after, a simple idea permanently shatters the dull routine of Jim's diner. The same old, same old? Not tonight. Not ever again."
Another link that gives more details.
Here's what Jesus had to say in Matthew 25:37-43 37
- "Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' 40 "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' 41 "Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'