24 Seven Ministry Center refuses to host Snore Fest 2005 Some people say, "Why bother with church? It's boring!" Alas, I too have been to boring church services that go on and on and on . . . .

That's where Snore Fest comes in. This conference is for any church, regardless of denominational affiliation, with dead worship services. Participants are invited to expire together during the various sessions planned.

1. Preachers compete for the coveted "Sermonator" trophy, by preaching their longest, driest sermons. Area churches send their most qualified & liveliest contestants (teenagers, wiggly toddlers) to be in the pews (scientifically engineered from research of Death Row executions as to the most excruciating designs for the listeners to be strapped in). Judges give out points based on the number of DDS (deaths during sermon). The grand prize award is a one-way, all expenses trip to Death Valley National Park, in July.
2. Musicians have a variety of workshops, and master classes to chose from. New seminars include "How to Practice in Public During Worship and Look Good Doing It" and "The Top Ten Ways to Annoy Your Pastor & Local Church Leaders and How to Get Away with It". The annual favorite is the Musicians Marathon, where contestants are paired together for a series of musical challenges. One musical challenge is the 3 Minute Medley where contestants are divided into two groups (those who can read music, and those who can feel the beat). Each pair then has 3 minutes to make a meaningful worship melody, which will be shared at the main evening meeting at Snore Fest. Last year's winning team was a classical pianist (her qualifications: 12 years of lessons, a Master's Degree in Fine Arts, and can play Sergei Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No. 3 in D minor backwards by memory) and a teenage grunge guitarist (his qualifications: 3 noise ordinance violations, and is tone deaf).
3. Greeters receive training on how to be more effective with their "Glare of Death", and how to tranform their hands into limp dead fish.

24 Seven Ministry Center in Seattle, WA

For other seminar suggestions, please e-mail me, so we can include it at next year's Snore Fest 2006. Or if you know of a local church that is willing to host this conference, please contact me ASAP. I know that this will be a sell out conference!

For those who want something more . . . try out these at your local church!

An interesting & well planned service

• "Our meetings should be made intensely interesting. They should be pervaded with the very atmosphere of heaven. Let there be no long, dry speeches and formal prayers merely for the sake of occupying the time. All should be ready to act their part with promptness, and when their duty is done, the meeting should be closed. Thus the interest will be kept up to the last. This is offering to God acceptable worship. His service should be made interesting and attractive and not be allowed to degenerate into a dry form. We must live for Christ minute by minute, hour by hour, and day by day; then Christ will dwell in us, and when we meet together, His love will be in our hearts, welling up like a spring in the desert, refreshing all, and making those who are ready to perish, eager to drink of the waters of life." Quoted from Testimonies to the Church, volume 5, page 609, written by Ellen G. White.

Foster local creativity & talent that arrests attention

• "Devise methods to reach the people where they are.--Let every worker in the Master's vineyard, study, plan, devise methods, to reach the people where they are. We must do something out of the common course of things. We must arrest the attention. We must be deadly in earnest." Quoted from Evangelism, pages 122, 123, written by Ellen G. White.

  ¶ 6:41 PM